Written 07 April 2010
Rasmussen really needs a poll for ranking the degree of night sweats as it pertains to being stranded in the Mojave desert with only Tobasco to drink. In the beginning I knew the aliens had invaded. Now I just wonder if my air conditioner isn't working properly 32 times per evening. Can a person really have THIS many hot flashes???
According to one woman I polled; because I poll every poor unsuspecting woman that comes into my restaurant about MY hot flashes; you can have up to 50 hot flashes per day! Her husband said they were going through menopause naturally. He said it just as I took a sip (gulp) of wine. I had to get up from the table to keep from spewing my drink in his face. No need wasting good wine. "THEY"? "Naturally"? Who's he trying to fool? Is he actually trying to use her pain and suffering as his very own atonement. Sorry buddy, NOT how it works. God is STILL going to take care of you in his own special little way.
The dutiful wife just smiled and nodded. Why? Because she's on drugs. He's the idiot. Oh, and he was actually PROUD that "they" were going through this "naturally", "together". I guess they went through natural child birth together too. I'm still laughing. By "together" does he mean he hasn't filed for divorce and moved out? Does he mean that she has allowed him to live yet another day? I bet if we took a close look we could find HIS medication for coping with their menopause, naturally, together. I'm still laughing.
The other night I was sitting in the leather recliner-alone. Why? Because I WAS sitting on the corduroy sofa alone - until my daughter wanted to lay next to me. Well, her hair was wet so that was cooling me off and so far I didn't mind. Then dad started having abandonment issues and joined us. Then my daughters hair dried and I was hot. So I got up and moved to the recliner. Alone. It wasn't long before I had yet another hot flash. Off goes the lap blanked and on goes the moaning. My darling, brand new out of the box, husband actually let the following thought escape in an audible tone past his lips "Man, I don't want to hear it anymore. I'm tired of hearing about EVERY hot flash".
Wait. Soak that in.
Now, imagine a high strung woman's response. Now, imagine a high strung, very hot, caught in the Mojave desert with only Tobasco to drink, menopausal woman's response. You can all send a cash donation instead of flowers. He won't be sayin that again. Ever. Oh, he may think it but from now on his little mind will not allow him to utter the words audibly. Ever. Again. I just know it.
And the good thing is that our child learned a really great lesson at a young age. Children are to be seen and not heard and during a hot flash so are daddy's.
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