Date Great in Oh! Eight

Sex in the Woods

by Crystal Laramore


Happy New Year! Let’s start the New Year off by saying that while dating can be fun it does take some effort to find the one.

My friend Richard from Sugarland met a woman, Sophia, online (yes, a viable option) who lived about an hour away. While they had many hours of great conversation, saw each others photos, met in person and genuinely seemed to hit it off, the one-way hour-long drive was just too much for him. He later said that dating just seemed to be more work lately than fun. Poor, poor Richard.

Most things in life that are worth having are worth a little extra effort to obtain. C’mon guys, don’t be lazy Richard for Pete’s sake.

If you find a woman that moves you; shifts the dirt under your boots a bit and its reciprocal then put some petro in that auto and drive man, just drive. Driving a good distance to see a woman who sets your heart aflame or at least cooks well, cleans well, brings home some of the bacon, looks attractive and isn’t crazy, is the very least you should be doing. Women may be easy to come by but GOOD women…

And speaking of women being easy to come by; my friend Richard says he just sits back and waits for the women to come by. They come by his way and ask him out! This has got to stop. Women today are far too aggressive and are making the dating life harder (as if we needed things harder) for women with more traditional dating habits.

Ladies, if you want him there is nothing wrong with doing everything in your infinite power to attract him; but it is unwise to chase him unless it’s just instant gratification you are after. However, if you are after more than a romp in the woods, let him chase you. Just ask the women chasing Richard “How’s that working for you?” He’s had several flings with several aggressive women. Did you hear me? I said flings. He even had one long kiss goodnight w/promises of more, a lot more, next time and he has yet to call her back. Why?

In Richard’s mind he knows he’ll just be using her and is starting to feel a little guilty about the whole situation he has found himself in as of late. It’s a little disconcerting for him. Why? Because it’s not the natural order of things! “Hold on to your anxiety and do not call him” is the advice from my psychologist friend, Dr. Sophia. Women’s lib is good for some areas of our lives, but not in the dating arena of the Animal Kingdom.

Women’s lib never intended for things to go this far. And lib is short for liberation. Sorry, but I do NOT want to be liberated from being treated like a woman, thank you very much. Nor do many of my girlfriends. As a matter-of-fact, I am hard pressed to name a single (straight) woman who does.

While the feminist movement has helped fix a lot of workplace inequities it has also helped screw up the way many women view men and our relationships with them.

Godmen-have you heard of it? I saw a special on Nightline. Apparently, we now have to have an organization to let men know its ok not to be so feminine and in touch w/your feelings and just be a man. Hello! What have I been saying? Most all-American hot-blooded women do not want their man in touch w/HIS feminine side…(please tell me you get the intimation…).

Again, I implore you to let the natural order of things in The Animal Kingdom occur. We have a test-pilot program going and here are some mistakes made last week by the women in the program:

#1: Richard called Sophia four times. At ten o’clock when she was finished working she returned the calls. (So far so good.) Richard was at the deer lease ‘hanging out’ and wanted Sophia to come ‘hang out’ too. His family and friends were there. She felt so warm & fuzzy by this invitation that she lost her freaking mind and went. (This is the ‘not so good anymore’ phase). Hanging out does not a date make. If you have to get in your car and drive to him think about it. Turn the car around and ignore his calls from now on. This is ok behavior after you have been dating for several months, but the first six???


#2: Richard called my girlfriend Sophia on December 30th. They were chatting and Richard did not mention a thing about the really big romantic, earth shattering kiss at midnight event suddenly approaching. Evidently the event was approaching fast and w/out warning for poor Richard who seemed to have forgotten the event all together. So Sophia, being the helpful little calendar that she is, asked Richard what he was doing for New Year’s Eve “Spending time with my children” so says Richard.

Ok, if you buy that. First of all, he could be telling the truth or his version of it. Second of all he could be sparing her feelings. Third of all, they just met and it’s none of her business what he’s doing for NYE unless he invites her to join him. Fourth, why oh why do we as women set ourselves up for rejection? If the man does not ask you out it is because he does not want to spend time with you! So let him ask you out; by let I mean give the man some time; don’t rush a good thing. They have egos too. Sometimes they just want to make darn sure there is no chance in Mars that you will reject them before they even say “wanna get a cup of coffee?”

If he asks you out you’ll feel so much better and he’ll feel so much better and the natural order things will have occurred in the Animal Kingdom, the lion will roar and you will like it!