5 October 2011
Hello again readers. It's been awhile since I've written my own column...have to be inspired. And I was. During a recent visit to the dermatologist I was thumbing through Cosmopolitan magazine and found an article titled "Winning the Dating Game". Then as I read a bit further I realized they were talking to the WOMEN! What? Yep. Right there in the very first sentence they said "There's nothing better than hearing an enthusiastic 'yes!' after asking a GUY out."
First of all, you (ladies) do NOT, under any circumstances, ask a GUY out. Nope. No way. Not a chance. Not on a Wednesday. Not ever. Hopefully ladies have been faithful readers and put into practice what I've been telling you. You may not sprinkle pixie dust on the rotation of the love universe. Men hunt. Women are hunt-ED. Period. That is, of course, if you want a strong man. Now, if you want the wimpy man, go ahead, ask him out. Take away his manhood, if he ever had any. Let him use you (cuz chances are he will) if that's your game. But, if you want a real relationship let him do the asking.
What is about yourself that you find un-worthy of following the traditional rules? Because that is the exact question he is going to ask himself. The HuntER/HuntED thing has been happening for EONS for a reason! It works with the order of the universe! Don't you want a man who wants YOU? Of course you do, in the long run. Otherwise, you'll just be calling all the shots all of the time and that would be B.O.R.I.N.G. And when he does ask you out make sure you are GOING OUT. Not going to his place to "hang out". That is not a date. My friend Richard said to be different. Do something no other woman is doing. WAIT!
Once upon a time in a town far away my famous UB visited me. We went to Clear Lake and looked at all the wonderful sailing boats and at some point I had to open my trunk. UB noticed a set of golf clubs and a tackle box among other goodies in my trunk. He asked "Who's is that?" Well, who's car is it? It's mine. "What's in the tackle box?" Uh, TACKLE. "You have a set of golf clubs AND a tackle box, with tackle in it, in the trunk of your car and you're still single?" Why, yes, I am. At my own choosing.
Now, the golf clubs and the tackle box are long gone but the message is still fresh. Men want an independent woman with hobbies AND a mind of her own. They want a woman who can hang with the guys but still be a lady. None of that = you asking HIM out. Period. No way. Not a chance. And if you read He's Just Not That Into You you'd know that asking a man out is not ok, not even during an Eastern Seaboard blackout. If you’ve been paying even a little bit of attention to the way things actually WORK then you know a man who wants a woman will move heaven and earth to be with her. Now why on earth do you, o woman, want anything less? Don’t be desperate. It’s NOT attractive.
Men are simple. They want to loved and adored but not chased, for long. If you chase him you may catch him. If you catch him you may marry him. But, chances are that he will not really respect you. Men tell me stories ALL the time of how THEY caught their woman. When they did the hunting and their wife was being hunted the men tell their stories with pride, admiration and respect. When it's the other way around the stories are quite pathetic really.
Make a stand ladies. Wait. Do NOT ask a man out on a date. Just because they do it that way in New York, doesn't mean it's cosmopolitan!
Showing posts with label dating advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating advice. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Independent, Confident Women…So, you think you want one do ya?
By Crystal Laramore
Editing by Deborah Martin
Independent, Confident Women…So, you think you want one do ya?
If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a thousand times (from men): “I want an independent and confident woman” (IC). Really, because I seem to be hearing from my IC girlfriends and fans of the article that the men aren’t handling them very well. This is the mantra I’ve heard for years: “He says he wants an independent, confident woman but he gets upset whenever I cannot spend time with him or I have to attend to my business”.
So, back to you (men) and your desire to have an IC woman in your life; do you know that territory well? Let me help you. This will not be your typical relationship. It will be plagued with conversations like: Honey, I can’t make dinner tonight, I have a meeting. Honey, can you pick up the children; I’ve got to run the brokerage firm this afternoon. One of my staff members is sick today so I’ll have to work late, again. Sorry, I know we had plans; I’ll make it up to you.
It’s also plagued with conversation styles like: Baby, why don’t you go play golf with your buddies; I’ve got a luncheon with my girlfriends and I’ll be home late. Hey, I already fixed the dryer, what are you doing? Look honey, I moved the furniture all by myself! Baby, see all my new power tools? Honey, I’ve booked us an African Safari; No, the children are not invited.
Independent women are stubborn, tough as nails and decisive; some men might confuse this with being controlling-don’t fall for it for one second! As smart women we often see where things can be better, not only in our partners but in ourselves so we're quick to admit our faults and try to work on them. Occasionally we might slip and this is when we need you to be our great defender and understand we are coming from a place of love as well as a know-it-all attitude. We’re sorry but we are worth the frustration. We love and respect a man who also wants to improve himself and is not threatened if we gently point out an area of improvement he could make in his own life or his part of our relationship
I believe MOST of the independent women out there are over 40. Certainly women in their 20's are still trying to figure out who they are, what they want and whether or not they really are like their mothers. Women over 40 (and maybe late 30's) have already been through the career thing, the relationship thing, the mommy thing and are finally comfortable in their own skin. They know what kind of man they want for the second half of their lives and this is a good thing for men because we won't waste THEIR time if they aren't right for us whereas a younger woman WILL because she's still trying to change the guy or she’s waiting for him to live up to his "potential". An older woman knows that if a man over 40 hasn't lived up to his potential YET, then he probably never will and/or the “potential” was all in our 20-something mind in the first place. My dad sent me a card one time that read “If you love something set it free. If it just sits there on the couch unaware that it’s been set free, you’ve probably already married it”. Sorry. I couldn’t help it…
As we get older we jump to fewer conclusions, are slower to anger and we are more patient. I love what Andy Rooney has to say about older women:
“As I grown in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a view reasons why:
A woman over 40 will not lie next to you in bed and ask, “What are you thinking?” She really doesn’t care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s usually something more interesting.
A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she wants, and what she wants from whom.
Few women over 40 give a damn about what you might think of her or what she’s doing.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.
A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women.
Women over 40 couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won’t betray her.
Women get psychic with age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.
A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one.
You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately it is not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well dressed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool out of himself with some 18-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” Here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.”
We do want a man in our life but we don’t necessarily need him to define who we are. We need you for love, companionship, support, strength, leadership…Did you hear that? We want YOU to be our leader. Yes, we are independent and we are confident enough to want, nay expect, you to be our leader. We will not ask you to save us on a regular basis. It may happen a time or two (or three) and maybe, just once, kinda, sorta make it up so you get the chance to be something you LOVE to be – our hero! We’re also smart. We will definitely call on you in a true crisis; otherwise we are resourceful and you may never even know we knocked down the garage wall with our new car. (See my mom for more details!)
We will tell you what we want and when we want it. We will be direct so, be prepared: when you ask us what’s wrong, we’ll tell you. Not like when we were mere youngsters and always said, “Nothing” when you asked what was wrong and then we made you pay later because you didn’t read our minds. No, IC (independent and confident if you’ve forgotten) women don’t have a lot of time to waste playing patty-cake. We’d rather be spending time with you doing other things… And speaking of doing other things, we are fine alone. If you need to be off saving the world or tending to personal matters, you just go right ahead. We have plenty to do.
Lucky for you, you’ll never have to worry about an independent woman dragging you to a chick flick; we’ll go with our like-minded chick friends or we’ll be happy to go alone. We’ll save the action flicks for a hot date with you. And thank your lucky stars that we will not expect you to work yourself into an early grave so we can travel the globe. No, we will work too so we can retire early and travel the globe together.
We are also sexy, charming, great conversationalists, opinionated, secure in our skin and typically not jealous. If you think you’d be happier on the other side of the fence, we’ll give you a lift over it. We’ll be sad for all of a New York Minute and then be better off without you - at the spa; spas are great places to rub off dead skin and other unwanted surface matter. We’re confident enough to cry and joyous enough to laugh, and smart enough to love you the way you want to be loved.
We also want you to treat us like women, like ladies. We want you to open our doors, order our dinner, pick out the wine (Ok, on this one we may not be able to keep our opinions to ourselves), take off our coats, help us put them back on, slip off our shoes, pull out our chairs and stand whenever we need to get up from the table. We want you to speak to us with respect and dignity, love and consideration. We want to be romanced and put upon a pedestal. And guess what, we are worth every ounce of energy you put into our relationship. You’ll get back ten fold what you put into it, because we are also generous. But we are NOT pushovers. Never mistake our kindness for weakness, for we are very strong.
You can be proud to take us camping or to meet the President of the United States of America. We can wear jeans or a fur coat. Actually, they look really good together! We’ll stay at the Four Seasons or in a tent, as long as you are with us we really don’t care. Want to go fishing? We’ll be glad to go with you or happy to have you go with your friends. We’ll not dictate to you how to live your life. First of all, we trust that you already know how it should be lived and second of all, we don’t want you dictating to us. We’ll treat you with respect and kindness. We know you have goals and dreams just like we do and we’ll not stand in your way. We will ask you how we can help you be all that you can be.
But be ready for a passionate debate on important issues. We have strong minds and we will not sit quietly if we think we have something to add or if we think you are making a mistake. In the end though, your decision is final. We will not whimper around to get our way. We’re much too independent for that.
Our disagreements may be fierce but we do not hold a grudge. We want to win the war (you) and not the battle (the argument). We will be proud of your accomplishments, defend you in public and never humiliate you. We are not needy or desperate. Remember, we are independent and confident. It might be a recipe you’ve not had before but the ingredients sure make for a very happy, spontaneous, fulfilling life full of love, laughter, adventure and yes, romance.
We are as loyal as any golden retriever and we will trust you until you give us reason not to. However, I dare say that you’ll not find many truly IC women standing by their man after he has betrayed us. If you are a Bill Clinton or a John Edwards and you are married to one of us, you’ll find yourself alone at the press conferences; unless your mistress is there. Yep, while your treachery is being played out by the world-wide media, while you are at the podium pontificating on the woes of your life, lying through your teeth about when, where and how much money…we’ll most likely be with the d-i-v-o-r-c-e attorney.
And if you tell us you need your space, be prepared to feel like you are in the Astrodome alone. And be prepared that while basking in your new-found spacious life we may fill our space with new furniture. Careful what you wish for.
But, for you loyal, trustworthy ones out there, if you are lucky enough to find an Independent, Confident woman, put on your running shoes cuz we’re gonna let you do the chasing. And when you catch us you’ll find it’s a ride worth taking. Fasten your seat belts and don’t worry about the speed limit. I know the new Sheriff!
Editing by Deborah Martin
Independent, Confident Women…So, you think you want one do ya?
If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a thousand times (from men): “I want an independent and confident woman” (IC). Really, because I seem to be hearing from my IC girlfriends and fans of the article that the men aren’t handling them very well. This is the mantra I’ve heard for years: “He says he wants an independent, confident woman but he gets upset whenever I cannot spend time with him or I have to attend to my business”.
So, back to you (men) and your desire to have an IC woman in your life; do you know that territory well? Let me help you. This will not be your typical relationship. It will be plagued with conversations like: Honey, I can’t make dinner tonight, I have a meeting. Honey, can you pick up the children; I’ve got to run the brokerage firm this afternoon. One of my staff members is sick today so I’ll have to work late, again. Sorry, I know we had plans; I’ll make it up to you.
It’s also plagued with conversation styles like: Baby, why don’t you go play golf with your buddies; I’ve got a luncheon with my girlfriends and I’ll be home late. Hey, I already fixed the dryer, what are you doing? Look honey, I moved the furniture all by myself! Baby, see all my new power tools? Honey, I’ve booked us an African Safari; No, the children are not invited.
Independent women are stubborn, tough as nails and decisive; some men might confuse this with being controlling-don’t fall for it for one second! As smart women we often see where things can be better, not only in our partners but in ourselves so we're quick to admit our faults and try to work on them. Occasionally we might slip and this is when we need you to be our great defender and understand we are coming from a place of love as well as a know-it-all attitude. We’re sorry but we are worth the frustration. We love and respect a man who also wants to improve himself and is not threatened if we gently point out an area of improvement he could make in his own life or his part of our relationship
I believe MOST of the independent women out there are over 40. Certainly women in their 20's are still trying to figure out who they are, what they want and whether or not they really are like their mothers. Women over 40 (and maybe late 30's) have already been through the career thing, the relationship thing, the mommy thing and are finally comfortable in their own skin. They know what kind of man they want for the second half of their lives and this is a good thing for men because we won't waste THEIR time if they aren't right for us whereas a younger woman WILL because she's still trying to change the guy or she’s waiting for him to live up to his "potential". An older woman knows that if a man over 40 hasn't lived up to his potential YET, then he probably never will and/or the “potential” was all in our 20-something mind in the first place. My dad sent me a card one time that read “If you love something set it free. If it just sits there on the couch unaware that it’s been set free, you’ve probably already married it”. Sorry. I couldn’t help it…
As we get older we jump to fewer conclusions, are slower to anger and we are more patient. I love what Andy Rooney has to say about older women:
“As I grown in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a view reasons why:
A woman over 40 will not lie next to you in bed and ask, “What are you thinking?” She really doesn’t care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s usually something more interesting.
A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she wants, and what she wants from whom.
Few women over 40 give a damn about what you might think of her or what she’s doing.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.
A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women.
Women over 40 couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won’t betray her.
Women get psychic with age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.
A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one.
You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately it is not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well dressed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool out of himself with some 18-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” Here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.”
We do want a man in our life but we don’t necessarily need him to define who we are. We need you for love, companionship, support, strength, leadership…Did you hear that? We want YOU to be our leader. Yes, we are independent and we are confident enough to want, nay expect, you to be our leader. We will not ask you to save us on a regular basis. It may happen a time or two (or three) and maybe, just once, kinda, sorta make it up so you get the chance to be something you LOVE to be – our hero! We’re also smart. We will definitely call on you in a true crisis; otherwise we are resourceful and you may never even know we knocked down the garage wall with our new car. (See my mom for more details!)
We will tell you what we want and when we want it. We will be direct so, be prepared: when you ask us what’s wrong, we’ll tell you. Not like when we were mere youngsters and always said, “Nothing” when you asked what was wrong and then we made you pay later because you didn’t read our minds. No, IC (independent and confident if you’ve forgotten) women don’t have a lot of time to waste playing patty-cake. We’d rather be spending time with you doing other things… And speaking of doing other things, we are fine alone. If you need to be off saving the world or tending to personal matters, you just go right ahead. We have plenty to do.
Lucky for you, you’ll never have to worry about an independent woman dragging you to a chick flick; we’ll go with our like-minded chick friends or we’ll be happy to go alone. We’ll save the action flicks for a hot date with you. And thank your lucky stars that we will not expect you to work yourself into an early grave so we can travel the globe. No, we will work too so we can retire early and travel the globe together.
We are also sexy, charming, great conversationalists, opinionated, secure in our skin and typically not jealous. If you think you’d be happier on the other side of the fence, we’ll give you a lift over it. We’ll be sad for all of a New York Minute and then be better off without you - at the spa; spas are great places to rub off dead skin and other unwanted surface matter. We’re confident enough to cry and joyous enough to laugh, and smart enough to love you the way you want to be loved.
We also want you to treat us like women, like ladies. We want you to open our doors, order our dinner, pick out the wine (Ok, on this one we may not be able to keep our opinions to ourselves), take off our coats, help us put them back on, slip off our shoes, pull out our chairs and stand whenever we need to get up from the table. We want you to speak to us with respect and dignity, love and consideration. We want to be romanced and put upon a pedestal. And guess what, we are worth every ounce of energy you put into our relationship. You’ll get back ten fold what you put into it, because we are also generous. But we are NOT pushovers. Never mistake our kindness for weakness, for we are very strong.
You can be proud to take us camping or to meet the President of the United States of America. We can wear jeans or a fur coat. Actually, they look really good together! We’ll stay at the Four Seasons or in a tent, as long as you are with us we really don’t care. Want to go fishing? We’ll be glad to go with you or happy to have you go with your friends. We’ll not dictate to you how to live your life. First of all, we trust that you already know how it should be lived and second of all, we don’t want you dictating to us. We’ll treat you with respect and kindness. We know you have goals and dreams just like we do and we’ll not stand in your way. We will ask you how we can help you be all that you can be.
But be ready for a passionate debate on important issues. We have strong minds and we will not sit quietly if we think we have something to add or if we think you are making a mistake. In the end though, your decision is final. We will not whimper around to get our way. We’re much too independent for that.
Our disagreements may be fierce but we do not hold a grudge. We want to win the war (you) and not the battle (the argument). We will be proud of your accomplishments, defend you in public and never humiliate you. We are not needy or desperate. Remember, we are independent and confident. It might be a recipe you’ve not had before but the ingredients sure make for a very happy, spontaneous, fulfilling life full of love, laughter, adventure and yes, romance.
We are as loyal as any golden retriever and we will trust you until you give us reason not to. However, I dare say that you’ll not find many truly IC women standing by their man after he has betrayed us. If you are a Bill Clinton or a John Edwards and you are married to one of us, you’ll find yourself alone at the press conferences; unless your mistress is there. Yep, while your treachery is being played out by the world-wide media, while you are at the podium pontificating on the woes of your life, lying through your teeth about when, where and how much money…we’ll most likely be with the d-i-v-o-r-c-e attorney.
And if you tell us you need your space, be prepared to feel like you are in the Astrodome alone. And be prepared that while basking in your new-found spacious life we may fill our space with new furniture. Careful what you wish for.
But, for you loyal, trustworthy ones out there, if you are lucky enough to find an Independent, Confident woman, put on your running shoes cuz we’re gonna let you do the chasing. And when you catch us you’ll find it’s a ride worth taking. Fasten your seat belts and don’t worry about the speed limit. I know the new Sheriff!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
A Man's Point of View
Sex in the Woods
by Crystal Laramore
So, some of you out there are actually reading my new column! Cheers!
One of my faithful readers, Joe from Conroe, had some comments regarding the first article:
“From a man's point of view, this article was giving away secrets that everybody knows (if that makes any sense). It kind of portrayed men as mindless predators, which for the most part is true; true for all men at one time or another. There is definitely a deeply suppressed desire to impregnate as many women as possible. Any sex therapist will tell you that.
“So, secrets about women that everyone knows? You do actually have to listen to her once in awhile. No, not every word but enough to be able to ask her a question or two about the story she just told while you were missing the opening kickoff. A simple ‘How do you feel about that, honey’ or ‘That reminds me of the time we...’ will score brownie points like you've never seen. Another priceless move is to actually ask her about her day BEFORE she starts telling you about it! Precede that with how good she looks and you'll most likely be more than set up for bedtime. Now for the biggie: This is a little known secret even among men and I hate to give it away but here goes; Next time she's slaving over the stove or the washing machine FOR YOU, instead of slapping her on the butt or grabbing her bosom, try massaging her shoulders or running your hand up her neck and through her hair and whispering ‘Thank you.’
“Am I right, Crystal? I guess the readers will be the judge of that,
if any of this makes it in your column.”
Well Joe, it did make it in the column and now for fair & balanced reporting:
My first thought is no, Joe. You are not right. You are trying to pass along Tarzan’s error-proof recipe for sex (in the woods). So when my friends Richard and Richard were in the restaurant, I was discussing Joe’s comments and relaying the vibe I was getting. The message I thought Joe was sending was that these are “moves”, as he said. He also said there is no need to listen to EVERY word, just enough to getchaby. Joe also gave a roster of sentences engineered to score you brownie points. Although I thought all of this was good info I just didn’t like the packaging.
My friends Richard and Richard said they completely disagreed with my assessment of Joe’s comments. From the male point of view, they said, since the only times men aren’t thinking about sex is when they’re having it, any small bit of finesse from a man should count as the equivalent of Jesus and Mohammed sharing a glass of Manischevitz. Basically, if a man puts any more effort into his seduction of you other than just easing the La-Z-Boy back and yelling, “Hey, c’mere,” then he’s doing his honest best to be a kind and tender custodian of your womanly needs. This just goes to show that men and women really are from different planets!
So guys take Joe’s sage advice and ladies, do not get offended, and just enjoy the experience whenever he’s savvy enough to pay attention…
by Crystal Laramore
So, some of you out there are actually reading my new column! Cheers!
One of my faithful readers, Joe from Conroe, had some comments regarding the first article:
“From a man's point of view, this article was giving away secrets that everybody knows (if that makes any sense). It kind of portrayed men as mindless predators, which for the most part is true; true for all men at one time or another. There is definitely a deeply suppressed desire to impregnate as many women as possible. Any sex therapist will tell you that.
“So, secrets about women that everyone knows? You do actually have to listen to her once in awhile. No, not every word but enough to be able to ask her a question or two about the story she just told while you were missing the opening kickoff. A simple ‘How do you feel about that, honey’ or ‘That reminds me of the time we...’ will score brownie points like you've never seen. Another priceless move is to actually ask her about her day BEFORE she starts telling you about it! Precede that with how good she looks and you'll most likely be more than set up for bedtime. Now for the biggie: This is a little known secret even among men and I hate to give it away but here goes; Next time she's slaving over the stove or the washing machine FOR YOU, instead of slapping her on the butt or grabbing her bosom, try massaging her shoulders or running your hand up her neck and through her hair and whispering ‘Thank you.’
“Am I right, Crystal? I guess the readers will be the judge of that,
if any of this makes it in your column.”
Well Joe, it did make it in the column and now for fair & balanced reporting:
My first thought is no, Joe. You are not right. You are trying to pass along Tarzan’s error-proof recipe for sex (in the woods). So when my friends Richard and Richard were in the restaurant, I was discussing Joe’s comments and relaying the vibe I was getting. The message I thought Joe was sending was that these are “moves”, as he said. He also said there is no need to listen to EVERY word, just enough to getchaby. Joe also gave a roster of sentences engineered to score you brownie points. Although I thought all of this was good info I just didn’t like the packaging.
My friends Richard and Richard said they completely disagreed with my assessment of Joe’s comments. From the male point of view, they said, since the only times men aren’t thinking about sex is when they’re having it, any small bit of finesse from a man should count as the equivalent of Jesus and Mohammed sharing a glass of Manischevitz. Basically, if a man puts any more effort into his seduction of you other than just easing the La-Z-Boy back and yelling, “Hey, c’mere,” then he’s doing his honest best to be a kind and tender custodian of your womanly needs. This just goes to show that men and women really are from different planets!
So guys take Joe’s sage advice and ladies, do not get offended, and just enjoy the experience whenever he’s savvy enough to pay attention…
Dating in the New Millennium
Sex in the Woods
Like many of you out there I’m single, over 35 and dating in the new millennium. While I find dating fun & exciting I also find it extremely frustrating; most of the time I feel like I’m in the wood forest all alone. So I’ve been doing what I always do when I find a particular subject frustrating and hard to understand; I head to Barnes & Noble. There are a gazillion books on the “How to’s” of dating. Some of the principles I’ve put into practice and find they work quite well. Others, not so well. Did I mention I’m still single? Still single and still learning…
It all goes back to our basic, primal instincts; men are hunters and women are gatherers. Men find challenge in the hunt, not so much in the capture. Men are after an adventure, a wild ride that lasts for more than a few hours, yes even in dating; especially in dating.
My girlfriend Sophia writes:
“I just made some basic mistakes in my last relationship. We’ll call him Richard. Now, I started out fine playing by the unspoken rules of courtship but, like most women, as soon as he made the ‘I want a commitment statement’ I lost my senses and became more caring, sensitive to his needs, supportive of his hopes and dreams, emotionally dependent; for me=relationship; for him=steel trap! Everything was going fine until I was vocally upset when Richard didn’t call for a few days. I did exactly what I knew not to do; I started every question with either what, where, when, why, how could you… That was the beginning of the end. He was hunting and I was prey until that very moment. Then he knew I was caught so the game was over, (either consciously or subconsciously). It happened again but this time it was six days without a call and over a holiday…I knew Richard would drag me along this way, not wanting to end it totally until he had a replacement, so before I became road-kill, I ended it.”
Richard was good practice and maybe with the next Richard she’ll make it to the next phase, you know, like in Mario!
Take heed ladies! Women tend to not want a challenge. They don’t want to “play games”. Well, if you want your man to hunt you, you must not let him catch you. If he does not have a 100% hold on you, he’ll think of you all day and may even lose sleep thinking of you. Not only will he think of you but he will court you. Richard courted Sophie like nobody’s business until she broke the un-spoken rule.
My brother David just went hunting, as most men in North America did, over the Thanksgiving holiday. He shot a doe and was semi-gleefully walking out of the woods when the proverbial “Big One” appeared through the mist, between the trees. He put Big One in his scope, took a deep breath, said a prayer to God almighty, squeezed the trigger and missed.
Now remember, he killed the doe with no apparent hyperventilating. But the Big One, well David was panting and shaking, his chest was heaving, his palms were sweaty and he was in such a state of euphoria that he couldn’t get a good shot and he missed him. Why did he not hyperventilate over the doe? Because does are always about; they’re in abundance; one is just like the other. But the Big One, well the Big One is elusive. Hunters dream of the Big One. When you look across the breakfast or dinner table at your mate and he’s deep in thought and you ask him “Honey, what are you thinking about?” He’s thinking about The Big One! The Big One dares the hunter to take a shot, “Catch me if you can”. I think sometimes he even winks at the hunter, then slowly sachets away deep into the forest as if saying “Better luck next year”.
And believe me, this same time next year David will still be telling this story. Every detail of the Big One will be forever etched on his brain; right down to how beautiful the white patch of fur was on the front of his neck…Be the Big One ladies; practice being elusive. When the moment isn’t right or when your boundaries are being tested, practice turning away and disappearing into the woods. If he wants you, he will search the woods for you.
Like many of you out there I’m single, over 35 and dating in the new millennium. While I find dating fun & exciting I also find it extremely frustrating; most of the time I feel like I’m in the wood forest all alone. So I’ve been doing what I always do when I find a particular subject frustrating and hard to understand; I head to Barnes & Noble. There are a gazillion books on the “How to’s” of dating. Some of the principles I’ve put into practice and find they work quite well. Others, not so well. Did I mention I’m still single? Still single and still learning…
It all goes back to our basic, primal instincts; men are hunters and women are gatherers. Men find challenge in the hunt, not so much in the capture. Men are after an adventure, a wild ride that lasts for more than a few hours, yes even in dating; especially in dating.
My girlfriend Sophia writes:
“I just made some basic mistakes in my last relationship. We’ll call him Richard. Now, I started out fine playing by the unspoken rules of courtship but, like most women, as soon as he made the ‘I want a commitment statement’ I lost my senses and became more caring, sensitive to his needs, supportive of his hopes and dreams, emotionally dependent; for me=relationship; for him=steel trap! Everything was going fine until I was vocally upset when Richard didn’t call for a few days. I did exactly what I knew not to do; I started every question with either what, where, when, why, how could you… That was the beginning of the end. He was hunting and I was prey until that very moment. Then he knew I was caught so the game was over, (either consciously or subconsciously). It happened again but this time it was six days without a call and over a holiday…I knew Richard would drag me along this way, not wanting to end it totally until he had a replacement, so before I became road-kill, I ended it.”
Richard was good practice and maybe with the next Richard she’ll make it to the next phase, you know, like in Mario!
Take heed ladies! Women tend to not want a challenge. They don’t want to “play games”. Well, if you want your man to hunt you, you must not let him catch you. If he does not have a 100% hold on you, he’ll think of you all day and may even lose sleep thinking of you. Not only will he think of you but he will court you. Richard courted Sophie like nobody’s business until she broke the un-spoken rule.
My brother David just went hunting, as most men in North America did, over the Thanksgiving holiday. He shot a doe and was semi-gleefully walking out of the woods when the proverbial “Big One” appeared through the mist, between the trees. He put Big One in his scope, took a deep breath, said a prayer to God almighty, squeezed the trigger and missed.
Now remember, he killed the doe with no apparent hyperventilating. But the Big One, well David was panting and shaking, his chest was heaving, his palms were sweaty and he was in such a state of euphoria that he couldn’t get a good shot and he missed him. Why did he not hyperventilate over the doe? Because does are always about; they’re in abundance; one is just like the other. But the Big One, well the Big One is elusive. Hunters dream of the Big One. When you look across the breakfast or dinner table at your mate and he’s deep in thought and you ask him “Honey, what are you thinking about?” He’s thinking about The Big One! The Big One dares the hunter to take a shot, “Catch me if you can”. I think sometimes he even winks at the hunter, then slowly sachets away deep into the forest as if saying “Better luck next year”.
And believe me, this same time next year David will still be telling this story. Every detail of the Big One will be forever etched on his brain; right down to how beautiful the white patch of fur was on the front of his neck…Be the Big One ladies; practice being elusive. When the moment isn’t right or when your boundaries are being tested, practice turning away and disappearing into the woods. If he wants you, he will search the woods for you.
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