by Crystal Laramore Lutz & Deborah K. Martin
..."Go On Take the Money and Run. Doooot, Doooot."
Sorry, but Deb and I just have to jump right smack dab in the middle of this one! Deb had a list of questions and I, as always, have all the answers. Seriously, Deb and I haven't stopped discussing the reason so many people are discussing Tiger Woods' infidelity. Notice I did not say "alleged". Isn't it clear he's been unfaithful? The only things fuzzy are all the peripherals.
How long has Elin known? Just how many women ARE there? Why oh why are we so obsessed with celebrity mischief? Should he explain himself to the world? Why hasn't the media ever reported his indiscretions before? (Oh PLEASE-this is NOT the first the media has heard of Tiger freaking Woods being unfaithful! Follow the money...)
Why do women sleep with married men? Why on earth would they ADMIT to it in PUBLIC? (pssst. Deny, deny, deny.) Do they think this type of behavior casts them in a POSITIVE light? Hmmmm. Why do men do it? And last but not least why is HE still in their house?
Is it any of our business really? No. Not really. So what he's a celebrity. So what it goes with the territory. Just b/c it goes with the territory does not mean he has to accept it. Nieman Marcus is having a buy one get one half off sale but that doesn't mean I MUST get the other $500.00 platinum toe ring for an additional $250.00. So what Tiger is not accepting the whole "Whatever I do is your business too" celebrity buy-in. Good for him.
Clearly, he's been a bad, bad boy. And I'm good with knowing that even our little Tiger is human and has made some mistakes and is taking ownership and trying to shelter his wife and children from being drug through the proverbial mud. Maybe Elin has some secrets too. Maybe they have an open marriage. Maybe Elin is bi-sexual. Maybe Tiger is gay. Maybe...
How long has Elin known? For sure since last week. Wonder if she found out on Fox News?
Just how many women ARE there? Pick a number; any number.
Why oh why are we so obsessed with celebrity mischief? Because we are all freaks. And we wish WE were doing all that...Heck I don't know! You tell me. I'll tell you WHY we KNOW...cuz it sells to tell (us).
Should he explain himself to the world? Only if he wants to. Remember people-it's THEIR life, not ours; no matter how much money you donated to his lifestyle.
Why hasn't the media ever reported his indiscretions before? Because they are liberal and biased. Usually they are out for blood. YOU tell ME. OR……
Deb has been watching Tiger since just before he turned pro. She recalls that he's never been flashy, always private. “Even WAY before he became a billionaire there was never any controversy over his dating life. Now all of a sudden there are MANY women who've been with him? Personally, I think he screwed up royally (as a woman who has been in Elin's position I can tell you the number doesn't matter. It's the first one that deals the death blow.) and now lots of women are cashing in but most of it just isn't true. And the press smells blood in the water.”
Why do women sleep with married men? Because they are young. Because they have never been married and they don't know what it feels like when your husband has an affair. Because they lack judgment. And when they get older it's because they are lonely, insecure, desperate, stupid, naive, insensitive and sometimes they have been sold a pack lies ranging from "My wife just doesn't understand me" all the way to "No. I'm not married". Then there are some men who play by the "Don't ask Don't Tell" rules of the game. Any which way you spin it-the women are wrong. The men are worse.
Why on earth would they ADMIT to it in PUBLIC? Because they are young, lack judgment, stupid, insecure, lonely, insensitive and when all other excuses fail, "Follow the money. Follow the money."
Why do men do it? Because they are young and they lack judgment. And when they get older it's because they are lonely, insecure, desperate, stupid, naive, insensitive and just plain ole dogs. And sometimes they've been sold a pack of lies ranging from "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" to "What your wife doesn't know won't hurt her". Pssst-she knows. It hurts.
And last but not least why is HE still in their house? (as this goes to press we hear that she has moved to a nearby house) Because she is young and probably lacks judgment. Because she thinks she'd be lonely without him. Maybe she is insecure, desperate, stupid, naive and my personal favorite - In Love. And maybe she's been sold a pack of lies ranging from "I promise I'll never do it again" to "Baby, I only love you-it was just sex with them". And when all else fails "Follow the money. Follow the money." Or “Go on, take the money…”
OK, what Tiger did was wrong. No excuses. But so was what Richard, Harry, David, Mike, et al did. Substitute any name here, including a few Sophia's, Valerie's and Julie's. Even though it seems to happen a LOT, there's really no excuse. If you're having problems in a marriage solve them within the marriage. This may be why Tiger is keeping mum about the situation. It's THEIR problem to solve or not solve. We should all applaud them for that. And if they can work it out more power to them. Hopefully valuable lessons will be taken to heart.
As women, we're pretty passionate about a subject like this, having been in this position ourselves and while we may never know the answers there's one question we can't escape - is it any of our business - really?
Showing posts with label Deborah Martin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Deborah Martin. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
"Mommy"! Who said that?
By Crystal Laramore
Edited by Deborah K. Martin
This whole "Bam! you’re the proud new mother of a 6 year old at the age of 45" is taking it’s toll on me and my friends and the school system and last but not least the poor, poor 6 year-old. My husband seems to be taking it well; which should give us all reason to pause…
Does it mean you’re a bad parent if you drop your child off at school on a teacher In-Service day? What about if you get really mad at the “system” cuz the school called you last-minute to tell you that you have 70 lbs of cookie dough to pick up by 7 pm-“That’s it? No notice? No reminder?” and you’re in a business meeting in Houston; then you find the notice/reminder a few days later under your car seat with peanut butter on it? "Honey, can you cancel that appt. we had with LaTonya Goffney on Tuesday?"
How about if you send your child off to school with crooked pig tails? Socks that don’t match? Scratches under her eyes from the puppies-no, I swear!
Isn’t it great that children are resilient and bounce back from most things we do to screw them up as a child??? Maybe that’s why God makes our memory so crappy before the age of about 10. God knows.
Seriously, it’s a good thing that I KNOW the teachers and the administration at my stepdaughter's school. At least they know I don’t MEAN to be a horrible parent. At least they are willing to teach me that I have to help her with her homework when she first comes in from school while it’s still fresh in her mind and she has energy & an attention span farther than 22 seconds or until she hears the puppies barking; not at 6:55 in the morning right before we rush her to get ready and rush her out the door with crooked pig tails to have breakfast at school cuz we’re too crazed to make her breakfast soooo early in the morning and oh! Great Scott! Thank the good Lord they make it at school!
We do allow her to have coffee with us though. What?
Oh good gosh not really, we give her chocolate milk. I swear! Everyone knows sugar is totally better for a child than caffeine"??!!
And about the whole helping her with her homework thing Mrs. Rouswald, we didn't even know she HAD homework for several weeks. We thought kindergartners finger-painted. We didn't realize they were beginning to READ at that age! It's been such a long time since we were in grade K we forgot how to spell it. So, if our child is ever failing, please inform us because it's probably OUR fault! She’s probably told us to do something and we’ve ignored the silly 6 year old.
Like the first 3 times she brought home the copy of the lunch menu for the month I threw it away b/c it wasn’t pretty enough to go on the fridge - like the 6 year old said it should. Well, the 6 year old should have told the 45 year old it had the in-service days on it and the ice cream and slushy days on it and when the cookie dough will be in day marked, and when award day is-we missed award day! But nooooo, we’ve taught her to not argue with our authority. Tsk. We were soooo surprised when she came home with an award. I thought the “Food” calendar just had who was eating what & when on it. New parents don’t realize the global importance of the monthly food menu! To NOT look at one is to NOT want your child to succeed!
Look people, before I met/married my wonderful husband I was a night owl. I stayed up till 2 or 3 am and woke up around 10 or 11 am. I read period pieces, not "I said I see Sam". I may or may not get dressed for work during the week cuz no one can see me doing computer work. I lived on-site and only had to walk 10 paces to work. Now, I’m up between 5:30 & 6:00 and have made and drank 2 cups of coffee by 6:30. By 7:15 I have a lot of chores finished including getting a 6 year old ready for school (did she brush her teeth this morning?) and a 45 year-old (me) ready for work. Each takes the same amount of energy. The 52 year old can, by the grace of God, get himself ready. By the time I get to work, which is 7 miles away now and I do indeed drive, I need a nap. I'm exhausted!
And is it so bad that we get Spirit day and the other day (see, I don’t even know the names of all the days) mixed up? Wednesdays we know its green t-shirt day and Friday is red-t-shirt day and most of the time we get THAT right; isn’t that enough? And I think the school system has dealt with parents like us before and that is why they pick our child’s clothes 2 days out of the week FOR US!
Speaking of colors, why didn't someone tell me a blue smiley face was worse than a green one? I thought a smiley face was universally good and all the different colors were pretty.
Here's another thing - why does a 6 year old get “projects” WE have to do??? Don’t WE pay THEM to teach our child? Our child’s parents are old. WE don’t have energy or an attention span after 4:30 pm either. It takes all the energy my husband has to turn off the football game every Monday night.
And if bed-time is 8:30 and the Wizard of Oz doesn't come on until 7:00 and Dorothy hasn’t clicked her freaking heels yet-what then???? Shouldn’t Disney have a policy about what time kids’ shows start? We could barely get her out of bed this morning and she was mad at US! Like we own Disney or something…wait, are they publicly traded?
Sophie’s story: It's not a "good parent" story; it's a "good child" story. Sometimes these things DO happen. It'll give you hope. When her baby boy was about 10 (btw, he teaches pre-calculus and statistics in high school now so that should give you some clue as to how many cheery brain cells HE has), she and her husband were at a gathering of parents in the home of one of his classmates. The classmate in question wandered through the living room and his dad said something like, "Johnny, don't take too long. You know you've got to finish that big project. It's due tomorrow!"
Sophia and her then husband looked at each other & said “What project”? Their over-achieving child looked quizzically at them and said, "Oh yeah. I turned that in days ago." And so went HIS school years. We should all be so lucky as to get a kid like that. Miracles DO happen in the parenting world.
In the mean-time, this parent will try to remember (after 3 mos of school) to give her child a dollar on Wednesdays and Fridays for a slushy and/or ice cream and be grateful that she has better manners than Kanye and doesn't interrupt when someone is getting an award, even if her parents aren’t there!
p.s. I just found out that slushy day is Tuesday...NOT Wednesday…
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Edited by Deborah K. Martin
This whole "Bam! you’re the proud new mother of a 6 year old at the age of 45" is taking it’s toll on me and my friends and the school system and last but not least the poor, poor 6 year-old. My husband seems to be taking it well; which should give us all reason to pause…
Does it mean you’re a bad parent if you drop your child off at school on a teacher In-Service day? What about if you get really mad at the “system” cuz the school called you last-minute to tell you that you have 70 lbs of cookie dough to pick up by 7 pm-“That’s it? No notice? No reminder?” and you’re in a business meeting in Houston; then you find the notice/reminder a few days later under your car seat with peanut butter on it? "Honey, can you cancel that appt. we had with LaTonya Goffney on Tuesday?"
How about if you send your child off to school with crooked pig tails? Socks that don’t match? Scratches under her eyes from the puppies-no, I swear!
Isn’t it great that children are resilient and bounce back from most things we do to screw them up as a child??? Maybe that’s why God makes our memory so crappy before the age of about 10. God knows.
Seriously, it’s a good thing that I KNOW the teachers and the administration at my stepdaughter's school. At least they know I don’t MEAN to be a horrible parent. At least they are willing to teach me that I have to help her with her homework when she first comes in from school while it’s still fresh in her mind and she has energy & an attention span farther than 22 seconds or until she hears the puppies barking; not at 6:55 in the morning right before we rush her to get ready and rush her out the door with crooked pig tails to have breakfast at school cuz we’re too crazed to make her breakfast soooo early in the morning and oh! Great Scott! Thank the good Lord they make it at school!
We do allow her to have coffee with us though. What?
Oh good gosh not really, we give her chocolate milk. I swear! Everyone knows sugar is totally better for a child than caffeine"??!!
And about the whole helping her with her homework thing Mrs. Rouswald, we didn't even know she HAD homework for several weeks. We thought kindergartners finger-painted. We didn't realize they were beginning to READ at that age! It's been such a long time since we were in grade K we forgot how to spell it. So, if our child is ever failing, please inform us because it's probably OUR fault! She’s probably told us to do something and we’ve ignored the silly 6 year old.
Like the first 3 times she brought home the copy of the lunch menu for the month I threw it away b/c it wasn’t pretty enough to go on the fridge - like the 6 year old said it should. Well, the 6 year old should have told the 45 year old it had the in-service days on it and the ice cream and slushy days on it and when the cookie dough will be in day marked, and when award day is-we missed award day! But nooooo, we’ve taught her to not argue with our authority. Tsk. We were soooo surprised when she came home with an award. I thought the “Food” calendar just had who was eating what & when on it. New parents don’t realize the global importance of the monthly food menu! To NOT look at one is to NOT want your child to succeed!
Look people, before I met/married my wonderful husband I was a night owl. I stayed up till 2 or 3 am and woke up around 10 or 11 am. I read period pieces, not "I said I see Sam". I may or may not get dressed for work during the week cuz no one can see me doing computer work. I lived on-site and only had to walk 10 paces to work. Now, I’m up between 5:30 & 6:00 and have made and drank 2 cups of coffee by 6:30. By 7:15 I have a lot of chores finished including getting a 6 year old ready for school (did she brush her teeth this morning?) and a 45 year-old (me) ready for work. Each takes the same amount of energy. The 52 year old can, by the grace of God, get himself ready. By the time I get to work, which is 7 miles away now and I do indeed drive, I need a nap. I'm exhausted!
And is it so bad that we get Spirit day and the other day (see, I don’t even know the names of all the days) mixed up? Wednesdays we know its green t-shirt day and Friday is red-t-shirt day and most of the time we get THAT right; isn’t that enough? And I think the school system has dealt with parents like us before and that is why they pick our child’s clothes 2 days out of the week FOR US!
Speaking of colors, why didn't someone tell me a blue smiley face was worse than a green one? I thought a smiley face was universally good and all the different colors were pretty.
Here's another thing - why does a 6 year old get “projects” WE have to do??? Don’t WE pay THEM to teach our child? Our child’s parents are old. WE don’t have energy or an attention span after 4:30 pm either. It takes all the energy my husband has to turn off the football game every Monday night.
And if bed-time is 8:30 and the Wizard of Oz doesn't come on until 7:00 and Dorothy hasn’t clicked her freaking heels yet-what then???? Shouldn’t Disney have a policy about what time kids’ shows start? We could barely get her out of bed this morning and she was mad at US! Like we own Disney or something…wait, are they publicly traded?
Sophie’s story: It's not a "good parent" story; it's a "good child" story. Sometimes these things DO happen. It'll give you hope. When her baby boy was about 10 (btw, he teaches pre-calculus and statistics in high school now so that should give you some clue as to how many cheery brain cells HE has), she and her husband were at a gathering of parents in the home of one of his classmates. The classmate in question wandered through the living room and his dad said something like, "Johnny, don't take too long. You know you've got to finish that big project. It's due tomorrow!"
Sophia and her then husband looked at each other & said “What project”? Their over-achieving child looked quizzically at them and said, "Oh yeah. I turned that in days ago." And so went HIS school years. We should all be so lucky as to get a kid like that. Miracles DO happen in the parenting world.
In the mean-time, this parent will try to remember (after 3 mos of school) to give her child a dollar on Wednesdays and Fridays for a slushy and/or ice cream and be grateful that she has better manners than Kanye and doesn't interrupt when someone is getting an award, even if her parents aren’t there!
p.s. I just found out that slushy day is Tuesday...NOT Wednesday…
www.thedamgoodtimes.blogspot.com
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Become a follower!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Throwing Up Pretty, Broken Promises
By Crystal Laramore & Deborah K. Martin
We get letters…we turn them into articles…it’s our job…it’s what we do...call it a public service.
Dear Richard, (They are ALL Richards)
You’d think I’d be done with all the crying in my beer and hanging out at pity parties, what with all those black balloons and sharp objects...
Seriously, it’s been 4 ½ years and how many breakups/breakthroughs? How many times have you, Richard, charmed your way back into my life? How many times, Richard, have I let you? And how stupid does that make ME? (Wait, that’s a subject for another article…)
This time however, is different in some ways. For one, it's the last time. I felt the tension for months before finally bringing up the fact that I believed we made “a mistake”. You quickly agreed and we took it from there. It was all so civilized, wasn’t it ,Richard? We even continued to live in the same house, albeit in separate bedrooms. We didn’t even fight. We laughed. And you even said you felt like a P.O.S. I told you there was no need for you to feel like a P.O.S. But, Richard - I lied. You are and you should.
Why did I ever want to try again with you, Richard, after what you’d put me through before? I think it was those pretty words and your charming nature. Maybe you spiked my Big A$$ Shiraz (BAS) with prozac...We get along so well, you see, that I always find it hard to believe we’re not in love anymore. It’s like that Michael McDonald song “I keep forgettin we’re not in love anymore”. And Oh yes, there was a time when I was stupid-in-love with you. Love of my life, I’d say. Can’t imagine life without him, I’d say. Even though you Richard, never kept your promises and continued to behave like a P.O.S. Why IS that?? Looking back, I say to myself, “Self, what WERE ya thinkin’??” Clearly, not much of MYSELF…
I guess sometimes even a bond with the wrong person can be a very strong one (with enough BAS & Prozac). We have almost 5 years of history between us, some of it very good. But the bad stuff finally outweighed the good stuff. Your drama, your immaturity, your bigotry, your laziness in the relationship? Hard to ignore, but the one thing – the ONE thing Richard - I could no longer ignore was your “the grass is always greener” attitude. That killed it for me. And then I wanted to kill you and with BAS & Prozac lying around, well you can see my dilemma...
You never wanted me when you had me, only when you didn’t or when another relationship went sour. Since you were just as cruel to others I guess I shouldn’t take it personally, but it’s sure hard not to. It feels personal to hear you say, “I’ve FINALLY found someone I can dance with”, when you know that’s my favorite thing to do and you know I’m better than her! Am too! And too much dancing at your age Richard...well let's just say you've been warned.
Another cleverly delivered line was when you moved back to your own place and said, “I’m FINALLY (there’s that word again) home,” after I worked so hard to make OUR home a haven for you. Why do men do that? Why do they just stand there saying stupid $hit, begging to die? It’s like that song in Chicago : one verse goes like this here “And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife 10 times”.
Anyhoo, it’s hard not to take things personally, Richard, when you continue to beg to come back only to start pulling away as soon as Three Men Movers pulls out of the gate. You loudly proclaim how wrong you were to leave, how simple life is with me and how complicated it is with everyone else – yet you still want someone (it seems anyone) else. Maybe you just have a crush on Three Men Movers. I’ve never been enough for you and that’s a feeling I no longer desire to experience. And where was LOVE in all this 'wanting to come back'?? NOW, with a little help from BAS & Prozac, I remember that you never said you missed me and LOVED me. You only said that I was easy (like Sunday morning?) Well, Richard, that’s no way to build a lifelong relationship.
I want someone who really loves me for who I am and appreciates what I bring to the table, besides the bone-in rib-eyes! For all your lip service, you never appreciated me and I don’t think you really loved me either. You said you did, but honey, words are cheap and plentiful. Without actions to back them up, the words only made me feel insecure. And if you were a real man Richard, you'd want your woman to feel loved and secure. Read that last sentence again, honey! If you were a REAL man, etc.
I'm not one of those “needy” women who have to have a man around to feel happy or complete. Having a good relationship is just a bonus as far as I’m concerned. But a relationship with you was kinda like a cash bonus, here one day gone the next. And when you go, like ya always do, AFTER the crying, AFTER the angst and self-doubt, AFTER the loneliness passes, Richard; I feel just fine. Better than fine. I feel like me again. And ya know what, Richard? I LIKE me and I LIKE life without your drama. I work with women, I have enough drama!
Maybe that’s part of your problem – you thrive on drama but can’t cope with everyday life. These days you’re back to club hopping. Really?! At your age??? (For the reader's he's in his late 50's.) When I’m thinking logically after a couple of bottles of BAS, I know that you are a very unhealthy person emotionally, and not nearly worthy of a terrific woman like me. I also know that if I’m patient with myself everything is going to be okay. If I can just stay away from the knife drawer next time you're near me. The challenge at the moment is getting from here to there; wanting to kill you phase to being ok phase; in case you can't connect the dots all by your selfish, worthless, POS self...oh my, did I say that out loud?
When I asked my best friend, Sophia, why I’m still feeling sad and angry even though I don’t want you back she said this: “It's all those pretty words they spoke from their pretty mouths that we ate up, digested and then had to puke up when they said ‘Sh!t. Never mind.’”
Then she told me to get a lot of BAS and Prozac. Duh! I'm a follower!
Broken promises are sharp like broken glass and hard to keep on the stomach. I guess I’ve still got some puking to do.
We get letters…we turn them into articles…it’s our job…it’s what we do...call it a public service.
Dear Richard, (They are ALL Richards)
You’d think I’d be done with all the crying in my beer and hanging out at pity parties, what with all those black balloons and sharp objects...
Seriously, it’s been 4 ½ years and how many breakups/breakthroughs? How many times have you, Richard, charmed your way back into my life? How many times, Richard, have I let you? And how stupid does that make ME? (Wait, that’s a subject for another article…)
This time however, is different in some ways. For one, it's the last time. I felt the tension for months before finally bringing up the fact that I believed we made “a mistake”. You quickly agreed and we took it from there. It was all so civilized, wasn’t it ,Richard? We even continued to live in the same house, albeit in separate bedrooms. We didn’t even fight. We laughed. And you even said you felt like a P.O.S. I told you there was no need for you to feel like a P.O.S. But, Richard - I lied. You are and you should.
Why did I ever want to try again with you, Richard, after what you’d put me through before? I think it was those pretty words and your charming nature. Maybe you spiked my Big A$$ Shiraz (BAS) with prozac...We get along so well, you see, that I always find it hard to believe we’re not in love anymore. It’s like that Michael McDonald song “I keep forgettin we’re not in love anymore”. And Oh yes, there was a time when I was stupid-in-love with you. Love of my life, I’d say. Can’t imagine life without him, I’d say. Even though you Richard, never kept your promises and continued to behave like a P.O.S. Why IS that?? Looking back, I say to myself, “Self, what WERE ya thinkin’??” Clearly, not much of MYSELF…
I guess sometimes even a bond with the wrong person can be a very strong one (with enough BAS & Prozac). We have almost 5 years of history between us, some of it very good. But the bad stuff finally outweighed the good stuff. Your drama, your immaturity, your bigotry, your laziness in the relationship? Hard to ignore, but the one thing – the ONE thing Richard - I could no longer ignore was your “the grass is always greener” attitude. That killed it for me. And then I wanted to kill you and with BAS & Prozac lying around, well you can see my dilemma...
You never wanted me when you had me, only when you didn’t or when another relationship went sour. Since you were just as cruel to others I guess I shouldn’t take it personally, but it’s sure hard not to. It feels personal to hear you say, “I’ve FINALLY found someone I can dance with”, when you know that’s my favorite thing to do and you know I’m better than her! Am too! And too much dancing at your age Richard...well let's just say you've been warned.
Another cleverly delivered line was when you moved back to your own place and said, “I’m FINALLY (there’s that word again) home,” after I worked so hard to make OUR home a haven for you. Why do men do that? Why do they just stand there saying stupid $hit, begging to die? It’s like that song in Chicago : one verse goes like this here “And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife 10 times”.
Anyhoo, it’s hard not to take things personally, Richard, when you continue to beg to come back only to start pulling away as soon as Three Men Movers pulls out of the gate. You loudly proclaim how wrong you were to leave, how simple life is with me and how complicated it is with everyone else – yet you still want someone (it seems anyone) else. Maybe you just have a crush on Three Men Movers. I’ve never been enough for you and that’s a feeling I no longer desire to experience. And where was LOVE in all this 'wanting to come back'?? NOW, with a little help from BAS & Prozac, I remember that you never said you missed me and LOVED me. You only said that I was easy (like Sunday morning?) Well, Richard, that’s no way to build a lifelong relationship.
I want someone who really loves me for who I am and appreciates what I bring to the table, besides the bone-in rib-eyes! For all your lip service, you never appreciated me and I don’t think you really loved me either. You said you did, but honey, words are cheap and plentiful. Without actions to back them up, the words only made me feel insecure. And if you were a real man Richard, you'd want your woman to feel loved and secure. Read that last sentence again, honey! If you were a REAL man, etc.
I'm not one of those “needy” women who have to have a man around to feel happy or complete. Having a good relationship is just a bonus as far as I’m concerned. But a relationship with you was kinda like a cash bonus, here one day gone the next. And when you go, like ya always do, AFTER the crying, AFTER the angst and self-doubt, AFTER the loneliness passes, Richard; I feel just fine. Better than fine. I feel like me again. And ya know what, Richard? I LIKE me and I LIKE life without your drama. I work with women, I have enough drama!
Maybe that’s part of your problem – you thrive on drama but can’t cope with everyday life. These days you’re back to club hopping. Really?! At your age??? (For the reader's he's in his late 50's.) When I’m thinking logically after a couple of bottles of BAS, I know that you are a very unhealthy person emotionally, and not nearly worthy of a terrific woman like me. I also know that if I’m patient with myself everything is going to be okay. If I can just stay away from the knife drawer next time you're near me. The challenge at the moment is getting from here to there; wanting to kill you phase to being ok phase; in case you can't connect the dots all by your selfish, worthless, POS self...oh my, did I say that out loud?
When I asked my best friend, Sophia, why I’m still feeling sad and angry even though I don’t want you back she said this: “It's all those pretty words they spoke from their pretty mouths that we ate up, digested and then had to puke up when they said ‘Sh!t. Never mind.’”
Then she told me to get a lot of BAS and Prozac. Duh! I'm a follower!
Broken promises are sharp like broken glass and hard to keep on the stomach. I guess I’ve still got some puking to do.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
QUEENS AND QUESTIONS
By Crystal Laramore and Deborah K. Martin
People are always asking me how I come up with stuff to write about week after week after week. Are you kidding me? I can barely contain myself sometimes. Especially in the cultural and political climate today!
My thoughts at this moment are:
I am outside on my patio piddling (a Texas word) around and listening to all the controversy surrounding a beauty queen, another kind of queen and a question. Last week the Miss USA beauty pageant was held as usual but the outcome was anything but normal. By the time it was over all hell had broken loose in the media over one question and its answer. What was the question? “Do you believe in gay marriage?”
Believe it or not this question does not have a right or wrong answer like “Is 2+2=4?” There are still quite a few subjects we have a perfect right to disagree on without fear of being criticized, ostracized or blacklisted. Aren’t there? Do we have to water down all our opinions these days for fear of offending someone out there???
The smarmy weasel who asked the question was none other than Perez Hilton, a BLOGGER, for Pete’s sake. His name isn’t even Hilton, its Mario Armando Lavandeira, Jr. Exactly what ARE his credentials for judging beauty pageants anyway? He asked a question whose answer he almost certainly already knew. The fact that Miss California is a conservative Christian was well known and he HAD to know this would stir up controversy but he asked it anyway. The little twerp didn’t really want to know what she thought. This was ALL about HIM, and his political agenda.
My gay friend Marty Morales said this: “Perez Hilton did not speak for the whole gay community when he verbally attacked Miss California. Miss California spoke her mind. Is there something wrong with that? Whatever happened to just being you? Good for Miss California for being herself, regardless if I agreed or disagreed with her answer.” Thanks, Marty. Your tolerance is showing, as well as your integrity.
Miss California valued her integrity and her faith more than she valued a crown and a title. Her reply was her opinion based on principles she believes in and frankly a lot of other Americans do as well. No offense to anyone, but marriage HAS a definition. In my New Webster’s Dictionary and Thesaurus marriage is defined thusly: mar-riage n. the institution under which a man and a woman become legally united on a permanent basis.
Now, being that it is 2009 and we are as tolerant as we are I did NOT find that definition on my Microsoft Word dictionary…hmmmm. Seems the definition has changed to “a legal relationship between spouses”. My favorite definition was number 2. specific marriage relationship: a married relationship between two people, or a somebody’s relationship with his or her spouse.
From where I sit high upon my writer’s pedestal I have a few things to say about this:
First of all if you are gay, straight or crooked, I don’t care. There are many gay people, male and female alike, in my circle of influence from family members to customers to great friends; NONE of whom care, or seem to care, what term is given to the union with their partner. So what is all the fuss about on the news and in congress and on the internet? Well, it’s just like anything, there are those on the fringes of all cultures, in all sectors of society, that just cannot relax and let folks be. They scream that they want us to be tolerant but that happens to be the last thing they are. Tolerant, I mean.
But here’s this guy on Utube calling Miss California a cu*t! Are you kidding me? And you wonder why our tolerance is dwindling away. Or do you really?
Once again, marriage has a definition. Let it go. Get another definition for a union between two people who happen to be of the same sex. WE DON”T CARE!!!! Most of us love you no matter what race, religion or sex you happen to be. And, as far as your sexual preferences we straight people really don’t care. Most of us. Again, there are some on the fringes…but don’t worry about the fringes. If you please them on one issue, there will always be another issue for them to gripe about.
You know, I've had a question for gay/lesbian folks for some time. Perhaps some of our readers are of the gay/lesbian persuasion and can enlighten me. Why is it that militant gay people seem to be so defined by their sexuality? I'm straight and no one cares about my sex life. Why should I care about yours? Aren't we ALL more than that part of our lives which takes up so little actual time? I'm just curious.
Back to other issues; I can see a legitimate issue for gay couples. When my gay friend Marty had surgery, the hospital staff didn’t want his partner, Shaun Carter, to come back to support him while he was waiting. Why? He wasn’t “family”. Actually, this can be an issue for straight couples sometimes. Sandra Bullock was asked why she married Jesse James and her answer was a light bulb moment for me. He had a motorcycle accident and as he was being put into the ambulance she realized just how powerless she was. Here they were, partners for life, but she had no legal rights whatsoever in determining his care, simply because they were not legally married.
That’s the complaint I hear from gay and lesbian friends and I have to agree. We can call the institution something else if we want to. We can disagree on whether it’s “right” to be gay. We can disagree on whether people were born that way or “made” gay at some point. Meanwhile, many people make a lifetime commitment without the ability to make life and death decisions for and with the person who means more to them than anyone else. Is that fair?
There are people of integrity on both sides of this issue and then there are others who use their status as a bludgeon against those who disagree. Seems like my friends Sean & Marty and Miss California have a lot in common even though they are on opposite sides of this issue. She stated that her answer was her opinion and though she didn’t wish to offend anyone and wasn’t angry with anyone, she had to be true to herself. Marty confirmed that he believed in her right to her opinion (and maybe even the crown?) even if he didn’t agree. He didn’t withhold approval of her just because he disagreed with her.
And in the end it doesn’t matter of Perez Hilton is gay or straight. He’s a sleazy opportunist and don’t we have those in every sector of society? Doesn’t sleaze cross all sectors of society? Likewise, don’t we have courageous role models who are male, female, gay, straight, black, white, Christian, Muslim, atheist? I haven’t always held a high opinion of beauty queens but this year I’m glad one had the poise and courage to speak up for what she believed in. We should all try to follow her example; gay, straight OR crooked!
People are always asking me how I come up with stuff to write about week after week after week. Are you kidding me? I can barely contain myself sometimes. Especially in the cultural and political climate today!
My thoughts at this moment are:
I am outside on my patio piddling (a Texas word) around and listening to all the controversy surrounding a beauty queen, another kind of queen and a question. Last week the Miss USA beauty pageant was held as usual but the outcome was anything but normal. By the time it was over all hell had broken loose in the media over one question and its answer. What was the question? “Do you believe in gay marriage?”
Believe it or not this question does not have a right or wrong answer like “Is 2+2=4?” There are still quite a few subjects we have a perfect right to disagree on without fear of being criticized, ostracized or blacklisted. Aren’t there? Do we have to water down all our opinions these days for fear of offending someone out there???
The smarmy weasel who asked the question was none other than Perez Hilton, a BLOGGER, for Pete’s sake. His name isn’t even Hilton, its Mario Armando Lavandeira, Jr. Exactly what ARE his credentials for judging beauty pageants anyway? He asked a question whose answer he almost certainly already knew. The fact that Miss California is a conservative Christian was well known and he HAD to know this would stir up controversy but he asked it anyway. The little twerp didn’t really want to know what she thought. This was ALL about HIM, and his political agenda.
My gay friend Marty Morales said this: “Perez Hilton did not speak for the whole gay community when he verbally attacked Miss California. Miss California spoke her mind. Is there something wrong with that? Whatever happened to just being you? Good for Miss California for being herself, regardless if I agreed or disagreed with her answer.” Thanks, Marty. Your tolerance is showing, as well as your integrity.
Miss California valued her integrity and her faith more than she valued a crown and a title. Her reply was her opinion based on principles she believes in and frankly a lot of other Americans do as well. No offense to anyone, but marriage HAS a definition. In my New Webster’s Dictionary and Thesaurus marriage is defined thusly: mar-riage n. the institution under which a man and a woman become legally united on a permanent basis.
Now, being that it is 2009 and we are as tolerant as we are I did NOT find that definition on my Microsoft Word dictionary…hmmmm. Seems the definition has changed to “a legal relationship between spouses”. My favorite definition was number 2. specific marriage relationship: a married relationship between two people, or a somebody’s relationship with his or her spouse.
From where I sit high upon my writer’s pedestal I have a few things to say about this:
First of all if you are gay, straight or crooked, I don’t care. There are many gay people, male and female alike, in my circle of influence from family members to customers to great friends; NONE of whom care, or seem to care, what term is given to the union with their partner. So what is all the fuss about on the news and in congress and on the internet? Well, it’s just like anything, there are those on the fringes of all cultures, in all sectors of society, that just cannot relax and let folks be. They scream that they want us to be tolerant but that happens to be the last thing they are. Tolerant, I mean.
But here’s this guy on Utube calling Miss California a cu*t! Are you kidding me? And you wonder why our tolerance is dwindling away. Or do you really?
Once again, marriage has a definition. Let it go. Get another definition for a union between two people who happen to be of the same sex. WE DON”T CARE!!!! Most of us love you no matter what race, religion or sex you happen to be. And, as far as your sexual preferences we straight people really don’t care. Most of us. Again, there are some on the fringes…but don’t worry about the fringes. If you please them on one issue, there will always be another issue for them to gripe about.
You know, I've had a question for gay/lesbian folks for some time. Perhaps some of our readers are of the gay/lesbian persuasion and can enlighten me. Why is it that militant gay people seem to be so defined by their sexuality? I'm straight and no one cares about my sex life. Why should I care about yours? Aren't we ALL more than that part of our lives which takes up so little actual time? I'm just curious.
Back to other issues; I can see a legitimate issue for gay couples. When my gay friend Marty had surgery, the hospital staff didn’t want his partner, Shaun Carter, to come back to support him while he was waiting. Why? He wasn’t “family”. Actually, this can be an issue for straight couples sometimes. Sandra Bullock was asked why she married Jesse James and her answer was a light bulb moment for me. He had a motorcycle accident and as he was being put into the ambulance she realized just how powerless she was. Here they were, partners for life, but she had no legal rights whatsoever in determining his care, simply because they were not legally married.
That’s the complaint I hear from gay and lesbian friends and I have to agree. We can call the institution something else if we want to. We can disagree on whether it’s “right” to be gay. We can disagree on whether people were born that way or “made” gay at some point. Meanwhile, many people make a lifetime commitment without the ability to make life and death decisions for and with the person who means more to them than anyone else. Is that fair?
There are people of integrity on both sides of this issue and then there are others who use their status as a bludgeon against those who disagree. Seems like my friends Sean & Marty and Miss California have a lot in common even though they are on opposite sides of this issue. She stated that her answer was her opinion and though she didn’t wish to offend anyone and wasn’t angry with anyone, she had to be true to herself. Marty confirmed that he believed in her right to her opinion (and maybe even the crown?) even if he didn’t agree. He didn’t withhold approval of her just because he disagreed with her.
And in the end it doesn’t matter of Perez Hilton is gay or straight. He’s a sleazy opportunist and don’t we have those in every sector of society? Doesn’t sleaze cross all sectors of society? Likewise, don’t we have courageous role models who are male, female, gay, straight, black, white, Christian, Muslim, atheist? I haven’t always held a high opinion of beauty queens but this year I’m glad one had the poise and courage to speak up for what she believed in. We should all try to follow her example; gay, straight OR crooked!
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