When A Man Loves A Woman

by Crystal Laramore


“…Can't keep his mind on nothing else. He'll trade the world for the good thing he's found. If she's bad he can't see it. She can do no wrong. Turn his back on his best friend if he put her down.”

Oh, don’t tell me you can’t hear Percy Sledge or Michael Bolton swooning in your ear at this very moment. Everyone on the planet knows THAT song! While women sing along with a far away dreamy look in their eyes I suspect most men may cringe at the unrealistic expectations they believe this song places on their actions.

However, some men out there rise to the challenge. Oh yes they do! We just have to be patient and prepare for their arrival. When I was in my mid-late 20’s I dated that guy who loved me but wasn’t able to provide yet. He professed (see: Act Like a Lady; Think Like A Man) but he wasn’t able to provide or protect at that time and so the time came for me to let him go. The lesson: I learned what it felt like and looked like to be loved; deeply, truly loved. It’s powerful. It’s magic. It’s intoxicating. It’s rare.

The man from my 20’s has been a bench mark for all who followed. I remember actually telling one man, “I know what it feels like to be loved, and this ain’t it”. Actually, it never really was “it” until recently. Some of my past relationships may have had some or many of the ingredients for being “it” but for whatever reasons all the ingredients didn’t get mixed up at the same time so the recipe just didn’t pan out (pun intended!).

Many of you know I recently went through a tragic break-up. The man of the hour was professing all sorts of things. But the moment he professed something other than undying love I made a grave mistake. What I should have done was said “OK” and hung up the phone. Instead I begged, pleaded and rationalized. Then, after several more months of allowing someone to profess one thing (I love you) and do another (not loving me), I finally picked up MY self respect and respectfully bowed out.

Earlier I said we have to be patient and ready (for the right guy). During my period of figuring out “what the hell just happened there” with Jon, I met my fiancée. We met during a period when I could not have cared less about love and neither could he. We had both just come out of unhealthy relationships and had given up on the opposite sex. To be quite honest I had lost my faith in many things and relationships and men were high on that list. So, we chatted with each other across the bar or across the table but I wasn’t really noticing him. As a matter of fact, after our first out-of-the-restaurant time together, I got into my vehicle without so much as a hug goodbye and drove away crying.

We had just had a nice day of riding four-wheelers on his property, rock hunting and hanging out in the barn while it rained. During that rain storm he played one of my favorite Clint Black songs “Like the Rain” and the tears were forming. I couldn’t wait to leave. I wasn’t ready for this. I was still mad at Jon. I was probably mad at God too. Well, I WAS mad at God. Anyway, I told Mr. Nice Guy that I needed to go and he said he would follow me out. At the end of his road I turned right when I should have turned left and he noticed. And, he’s been noticing ever since.

He notices when I’m happy, needy, emotional, hormonal, sick, tired, over-worked, under paid, fed-up, frustrated, in pain, insecure, excited, romantic, loving, caring, nurturing or strung out! He notices EVERYTHING about me. And he noticed that I was not believing in him, or in his words, or in his actions. He noticed I was hurt. He noticed I needed more. He noticed I needed a bona fide commitment; which is why we are engaged today. I told him what it was that was keeping my heart from becoming his and he took care of it. He handled it. He provided. He protected. He professed. And, I noticed.

Now, it took awhile for me to believe in him, but my man loves me. In the beginning he loved enough for both of us. I KNOW he loves me. And that is noticeable. I told him once “I know what it feels like to be loved and this is it”!

I cannot say it enough; “My man loves me”. I can feel it and I can see it. Furthermore, my friends/family can feel it and see it. He told me the other night “I love you on purpose”. Be still my beating heart! OMG! What a romantic thing to say. I was telling him how much I had been bragging on him that week and he just wrapped his arms around me and looked me in the eye and said “I love you on purpose”.

Listen up now, he is serious. He purposefully does the things it takes to make me fall in love with him on a regular basis. He takes care of my needs; physical, emotional, financial; not that I need that much but he helps whenever I do need/want-I have a restaurant you know!

Last week we were both sick with allergies. On Sunday I drove to his house cuz he was pouting that he missed me. We had been apart for several hours you understand. And being the independent confident woman I am, that doesn’t necessarily bother me, but it was bothering him because he was sick so, I drove to see him. He was soooo happy that I came to him that he ran me a bubble bath in the Jacuzzi tub, bathed me, shaved under my arms, shaved my legs, washed my hair, conditioned my hair, rinsed my hair, helped me out of the tub, dried me off, slathered lavender body lotion all over me, helped me into my PJ’s, and put me on a cushy pallet on the sofa and asked in sexy voice “Is there anything else I can do for you before I pass out”?

OK. In one fluid motion, THAT man professed his love for me and solidified his role as my protector and my provider! And he did it all in less than 20 minutes. He did not SAY “I’m sorry you are so sick”. He did not say much at all. He just took care of me! I will ALWAYS remember that act of love. Whenever we have an argument, and I’m sure we will, I will remember that. Yes, I can see the humungous engagement ring on my left hand, but the ring is nothing compared to the nurturing he provides on a daily basis. Oh, I know we are basically honeymooners, but my man does that stuff consistently. It wasn’t a one time peak in performance.

Before you take a step toward marriage take a look at your relationship. If you are the man and you are not loving your woman like this (or similar to it) ask yourself why. It could be just because you are lazy or it could be just b/c you don’t care like you should. But IF you LOVE her, you’ll do it anyway. If you don’t love her, leave her. Let her go. Let her go find the man who will.

Now I know how many ways to Sunday you can excuse yourself for NOT doing the things you should be doing but my man could give those same excuses. He’s raising a six year old daughter by himself. He’s been burned nine ways to Sunday by women. He owns an international corporation. A lot of people depend on him. He drives an hour one way to work. Did I mention he’s raising a six year old? But, he sends me text messages several times a day either professing his love or being funny. He calls a few times a day. We have date night during the week. We talk to each other first thing in the morning and last thing before we close our eyes to go to sleep every night. He helps me with my restaurant, staff and customers. He comes to my house every Friday and does not leave until Monday morning (making himself have to drive an hour to drop of said child at school, another 20 minutes to drop off puppy and switch vehicles and THEN drive another hour to work). So save the excuses.

Look at your relationship. If you are the woman and you are not BEING loved this way (or similar to it) then you should pick up your self-respect and respectfully bow out. Go find the man who will but do not marry the man who won’t or don’t or can’t or…

At 44 years of age I can tell you that no matter how old or young you are the person who will love you is out there. And, “When a man loves a woman, spend his very last dime tryin' to hold on to what he needs. He'd give up all his comfort; sleep out in the rain if she said that's the way it ought to be…