Sex in the Woods
by Crystal Laramore
Cinderella. Meet Richard. We call him Dick for short.
Unfortunately for me it’s been a rainy week. Unfortunate b/c I think about him. And the other night while it was raining and I was watching mindless television and reading bitch books and drunk and divorced books, I glanced at the television. In the upper right hand corner was the weather report for Colorado. Severe Thunderstorm Warning!!!! Are you kidding me God? Why am I gPostingetting Colorado’s weather report? I have NEVER seen Colorado’s weather report on my local stations. Was God just trying tickle his funny bone, yet again, at my expense, by letting me know it was storming where he is too? NOT funny God. Seriously, NOT funny. Just then Tim Heller, our weatherman, said something about San Jacinto County and Colorado County. Really? I didn’t even know there WAS a Colorado County near me. Sorry God. My bad.
Meanwhile back on the boob tube…Brittany Spears was doing a very sexy dance with a silver, metal chair. Now, Brittany Spears had a catastrophic meltdown of ginormous proportions and look at her now! Its ok it won’t be difficult. She’s hot! Brittany obviously poured herself into, well herself! Her attitude isn’t the only thing that got a work out. Her body and her career are back on top. While I was watching her new video I wondered why I chose Big Ass Shiraz over intense hour and a half workouts with a hot Latin trainer: look out Bally’s Fitness Center, here I come! At least I haven’t shaved my head. Hell, I barely shave my legs!
Drinking isn’t the only therapy getting me through the nights. Writing has always helped me cope. And, I’ve been so busy drinking and writing I haven’t been able to workout. That’s my story and…
The next bit of comedic relief on the boob tube came in the form of a retail commercial. Jane Seymour was peddling her new jewelry collection, which only reminded me that Christmas is around the corner, then New Year’s Eve, then Valentine’s Day. Will I spend the holidays with him or without him? And speaking of the New Year, his birthday card to me said “I pray that I can be counted as one of your blessings in 2008…” Well Scooter, I guess that all depends what your definition of blessing is. Is it the same as curse, betrayal? Oh Jane-shut up…“It’s the Open Hearts Collection @ Kay Jewelers, b/c your heart has to be open to receive love”. Now Jane, that is simply NOT true. MY heart is OPEN and how’s that working out for me? What now Jane? Got a piece of jewelry for a jagged heart? Maybe with a black onyx in the center?
Because black symbolizes empty, right? And I’m realizing the words were just empty promises. Now, the waiting is turning into completely letting go (me letting go)…all the way; he’s crossing the invisible line. The silence chips away at my belief in his sincerity and my trust in his integrity; words not matching up with action and all. Love is a verb y'all. And, when the respect goes, it all goes. Just a little nugget of insight for ya…
Speaking of nuggets and gems, one night Richard sent me a txt message “Sweet dreams. I’ll be the one on the white horse sweeping you away”. My girlfriend sent me a text message the other day saying, “I think you should just wait around on him, maybe he’ll show up on a white steed and sweep you off your feet; like Cinderella. Or was that Snow White? I get the fairy tales confused”.
I concur. I’m getting it all confused too. I think I have a new fairy tale…pre-historic man gets confused between sweeping the damsel off her feet and galloping to the meadow to make wild passionate love to her OR stabbing her in the heart with a serrated edged hunting knife. True love vs. Make Believe. Make believe – 1. True love – 0. But at least I’m not bitter.
Oh now, it’s not as bad as I make it sound (it’s worse, not really. Yes it is. Who can tell anymore?) but it does make for good writing. We’re tying to give David E. Kelley a new sitcom since Boston Legal is in its last season. David will be bored and needs a new project. We’re also trying to find a place in one of the articles for Toby Keith’s song “How do you like me now?”
2 comments:
It's been great reading your blog. I'm here in Sacramento CA. I was with David for ten years when we thought it best for him to go out to Conroe TX stay with his parents and get a job there. I was SUPPOSED to follow. I ended up in rehab for drinking and popping too many pain pills. At this point I'm glad I did because I've been clean and sober for 75 days now. Yahoo! Can't imagine what my life would be like now if I hadn't gotten clean and had to go through this drama. Anyway, long story short, he started telling lots of "stories" that weren't making sense. Bottom line: another woman. Talk about pain. I like your line about cutting my heart out with a serrated hunting knife! Man, can I relate.
Can anyone out there tell me what this place Conoroe is like?
Oh yeah! He also took 'my' motorcycle (the loan is in my name) and now I have to try and get it back!
I'll be looking forward to hearing more about Richard aka Dick. I'm wondering if my guy's name is Dick also?
In case anyone might be wondering...after David left for Texas I fell apart (hence the rehab for the booze/pills). While we were together that had not been an issue. Maybe I knew in my heart of hearts that was it. I'll be awaiting your next blog. It has been helpful to me to have friends who are going through similar experiences because then we can talk about it. I start wondering if some of my friends just want to go the other way when they see me cuz they don't want to hear anymore about this. Unfortunately, ten years is a long time in a relationship and I think it's going to take a long time to heal. I think writing on this blog knowing you're somewhere 'near' where HE is at gives me some degree of comfort. Weird, huh? Oh well.
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