Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Un-Cosmopolitan

5 October 2011

Hello again readers. It's been awhile since I've written my own column...have to be inspired. And I was. During a recent visit to the dermatologist I was thumbing through Cosmopolitan magazine and found an article titled "Winning the Dating Game". Then as I read a bit further I realized they were talking to the WOMEN! What? Yep. Right there in the very first sentence they said "There's nothing better than hearing an enthusiastic 'yes!' after asking a GUY out."
First of all, you (ladies) do NOT, under any circumstances, ask a GUY out. Nope. No way. Not a chance. Not on a Wednesday. Not ever. Hopefully ladies have been faithful readers and put into practice what I've been telling you. You may not sprinkle pixie dust on the rotation of the love universe. Men hunt. Women are hunt-ED. Period. That is, of course, if you want a strong man. Now, if you want the wimpy man, go ahead, ask him out. Take away his manhood, if he ever had any. Let him use you (cuz chances are he will) if that's your game. But, if you want a real relationship let him do the asking.
What is about yourself that you find un-worthy of following the traditional rules? Because that is the exact question he is going to ask himself. The HuntER/HuntED thing has been happening for EONS for a reason! It works with the order of the universe! Don't you want a man who wants YOU? Of course you do, in the long run. Otherwise, you'll just be calling all the shots all of the time and that would be B.O.R.I.N.G. And when he does ask you out make sure you are GOING OUT. Not going to his place to "hang out". That is not a date. My friend Richard said to be different. Do something no other woman is doing. WAIT!
Once upon a time in a town far away my famous UB visited me. We went to Clear Lake and looked at all the wonderful sailing boats and at some point I had to open my trunk. UB noticed a set of golf clubs and a tackle box among other goodies in my trunk. He asked "Who's is that?" Well, who's car is it? It's mine. "What's in the tackle box?" Uh, TACKLE. "You have a set of golf clubs AND a tackle box, with tackle in it, in the trunk of your car and you're still single?" Why, yes, I am. At my own choosing.
Now, the golf clubs and the tackle box are long gone but the message is still fresh. Men want an independent woman with hobbies AND a mind of her own. They want a woman who can hang with the guys but still be a lady. None of that = you asking HIM out. Period. No way. Not a chance. And if you read He's Just Not That Into You you'd know that asking a man out is not ok, not even during an Eastern Seaboard blackout. If you’ve been paying even a little bit of attention to the way things actually WORK then you know a man who wants a woman will move heaven and earth to be with her. Now why on earth do you, o woman, want anything less? Don’t be desperate. It’s NOT attractive.
Men are simple. They want to loved and adored but not chased, for long. If you chase him you may catch him. If you catch him you may marry him. But, chances are that he will not really respect you. Men tell me stories ALL the time of how THEY caught their woman. When they did the hunting and their wife was being hunted the men tell their stories with pride, admiration and respect. When it's the other way around the stories are quite pathetic really.
Make a stand ladies. Wait. Do NOT ask a man out on a date. Just because they do it that way in New York, doesn't mean it's cosmopolitan!

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